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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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