I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
