i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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