just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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