Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
