Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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