nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
