What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
