People in love make me want to vomit
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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