I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
