You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
