I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
