remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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