I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize