So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
These tits shall not be calmed
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
