Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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