ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Where did you get a picture of my penis
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
