I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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