this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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