there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
