Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
