Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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