I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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