my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
