already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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