We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
