Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
