I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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