So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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