my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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