GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
