So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
