i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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