I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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