I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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