i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
