I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
