I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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