Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Come see our sink grown plant.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
