shes about as inviting as chlamydia
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
