i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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