I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
