there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
