i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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