He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
