Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
