just tell him i said nine months
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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