I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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