the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
