I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
