Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
