Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Nobody cheats on THIS.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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