So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
