so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
