HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
