I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize