I think I died a long time ago.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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