doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
