is your mom at the bar?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
