I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
