They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
