who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
