Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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