Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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