I want to make a zoo with you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize